Hardly anything dispels your ego like star gazing. I love to lie on the terrace, gazing at the stars, letting it sink in, that I am a miniscule carbon based lifeform on a miniscule planet revolving around a not-so-significant star in just one of the many galaxies. I yearn to reach out and touch the stars, or at the very least, live long enough to see mankind leap across the inter-galactic distances. However, I remind myself of my mortality, that one day, I will crumble into the dust on the surface of this ‘just another planet’.
Then what is consciousness? Are we really that special? Or was mankind a mistake of science and magic (i.e. advanced science) ? Was evolution a chance, or was it driven by purpose? Were we meant for great things that span that stars? Or will we just die out?
I, for one, believe that live DOES exist beyond earth. I do not subsribe to the school of though that firmly believes that man has originated from a single couple. I firmly believe that we did evolve from primates, who in turn evolved from reptiles (?), who in turn evolved from amphibians and so on to the single-celled being, the actual parent of all living things. How did he/she/it come into being? Maybe evolution was inevitable and absolutely necessary for survival but what about the creation of life from the inorganic substance that thrived on the newly formed planet? From where did the spark of life come from? The hand of God? Was that the first and last time he touched this planet? To seed life and pave way for the inevitable evolution into thinking beings? If so, isn’t it improbable that he seeded life in only one world, when he has created so many – innumerable in fact. Thus we must have brothers/sisters/whatevers on other planets.
Since everything from creation of life in the single-cell was determined by the environment which drove the evolution, then wouldn’t it be feasible that evolution was driven along other paths on planets with different environments? Thus, intelligent forms, must have a variety of shapes across the universe. The earth was formed 5 billion years ago. Other planets may have formed sooner or later. Rates of evolution would differ across planets. Thus its conceivable that levels of intelligence will vary greatly across the races. Thus there is a great chance that there exists an intelligence greater than ours. Is humanity ready to accept this possiblity? Many won’t be. Mankind is bred to see itself as the most superior. Imagine someone treating us like we treat the apes. I find it hard to imagine a being so completely superior to us that we seem to them like the apes appear to us.
I guess I am slowly entering the realms of the Asimovs and Clarkes. Isn’t it a wonder, that a harmless pastime like star-gazing, can make you question so many fundamentally accepted “truths” and challenge so many beliefs?
I wonder if atleast some of my questions will get answered in this lifetime, in this oh-so-short line in the 4-th dimension. I hope so. Someday.
Why is change so hard to accept? I believe its fear of the unknown. The known we are comfortable with. It is often the unknown that scares us, and by unknown, I mean the really unknown, the one which we have no idea about. Maybe that is why death is scary to most. For no one knows what happens after death. Is there an after life? Or is that the end? Will we burn in hell or be garlanded into heaven? Or, does the mind and the body, just switch off? This uncertainity, this unknown, is the source of fear.
So change is hard to accept because of fear. Why do we fear? When we don’t know what will happen, won’t the outcome have equal probabilities of being good or bad? Hence shouldn’t we be equally anticipative as we are afraid? Most often this is missed. Like someone once said, “to the well organized mind, death is but the next great adventure“. So shouldn’t it be more of excitement mixed with fear? Like the adrenaline rush before a plunge down the cliff. Fear, mixed with excitement. Isn’t that what should be sensed at the brink of a change?
Change. The only thing we can predict about our lives. Things change. People change.
[Of course I am tempted to add the line, “but some things never change“]
I reach out to you but you’re not there. In some vague corner of my mind, I remember you telling me you would have to leave early today. I sit up, trying to get the sleep out of my eyes. The blinking lights of the neon clock tells me I am late, again. I drag myself to my feet and make my way to the kitchen. The tea pot stands cold and lonely on the table. I open the drapes and it’s all grey.
My tea’s gone cold, I’m wondering why
I got out of bed at all
The morning rain clouds up my window
and I can’t see at all
And even if I could it’d all be grey,
but your picture on my wall
It reminds me that it’s not so bad,
it’s not so bad
I go through the mechanical motions of getting dressed. The clock stares at me accusingly. I hurry out, locking the house behind me. I jog to the bus stop, hoping feverently that I haven’t missed the 333.
I drank too much last night, got bills to pay,
my head just feels in pain
I missed the bus and there’ll be hell today,
I’m late for work again
And even if I’m there, they’ll all imply
that I might not last the day
And then you call me and it’s not so bad,
it’s not so bad
Even after I hang up, your voice hangs around me, elevating me from this dullness. I make a silent prayer, grateful that I have you in my life. You fill my senses as I lose myself to our special inner world.
And I want to thank you
for giving me the best day of my life
Oh just to be with you
is having the best day of my life
A long day’s work done, I make my way home. The next bus is not for another half an hour and I decide to walk. Five minutes later, I regret it as drops fall from the heavens, covering me in their cold embrace. Resigning myself to my fate, I trudge home, sullen and cold.
Push the door, I’m home at last
and I’m soaking through and through
Then you hand me a towel
and all I see is you
And even if my house falls down,
I wouldn’t have a clue
Because you’re near me
And I want to thank you
for giving me the best day of my life
Oh just to be with you
is having the best day of my life
If Health is Wealth, then I guess I’ve been bankrupt for quite a while now. My sedentary, indolent life-style has ruined my health almost beyond repair. Or atleast I think it’s not yet beyond repair. So many resolutions have been made in this regard and all have gone down the /dev/null path. Eat less. Eat less meat. Walk more. Excercise daily. All these were decided upon readily but never adhered to. I guess this inertia of rest is an inherent character flaw of mine and would take a while weeding out. I mean I am not even able to finish coding a simple program!!! I stop that mid-way with ‘Why bother? It’s already done by someone else. I am wasting my time‘. I conveniently chose to ignore the fact that the purpose of writing it was to prove to myself that I can still code.
So with these thoughts in mind, I have decided to start making a change. I had given up on Linux earlier. I have decided to take it up again. I have decided that I should start learning again. I used to be known for my ability to learn stuff fast. I will re-kindle that. I have decided to devote more time to studying. With that, I hope to retard or even reverse my mental degradation.
About my body, I think it needs more immediate attention than my mind. For, the signs of decadence have been showing for quite a while now. The frequent back and neck aches, trouble climbing stairs, inability to walk beyond a mile – if I dont do something, “I’m going down“!
So with this blog entry, I mark yet another attempt to revitalize my mental and physical health. I hope, by bringing this to the attention of people, I would have someone prodding me to do this and do that. I am not sure this resolution would go too far without some external help.
*Sigh*